THIS IS ENGLAND, THAT'S A BAFTA.

By Django This
18.10.10 - London, Greater London





This is England. A show that's so good, satirists can't make jokes about it. Because it's not funny.

This is England's proud creator, Shane Meadows, steps forward to claim his BAFTA award.

Only a guy named after a field could make a show that talks about commitment issues, (either that of Woody's inability to say 'I do', or Shaun's momentary hesitation in joining the skinhead gang, and later his brief antagonism with his mother,) and then abandons all possible story potential to talk about something more important, like rape. Elegant contrast. Rape is not funny. No one could possibly make jokes about rape. But they can make drama about rape, because rape is epic.

Rape as depicted in the Bible.

And epic rape needs epic music. It's been rumoured that Shane Meadows is auctioning off his music to car advertisers. The rumours indicate that the current bid is in the millions, or higher.

In the final rape scene, Lol threatens to beat her father to death with a hammer. She turns her back on him, and he advances on her, leading to the rape. Is this saying that Lol wanted to be raped? That a part of her enjoyed it? Of course. I'm sure there are many things in This is England that went over my head, which I will only uncover on repeat viewings, but somethings are too important to go over my head. Rape is obviously an important issue, and therefore the themes and subtleties and nuances must be obvious enough for even a thicko to understand, so the message can get out to as many people as possible.

But the rape scene was also cool. It was so cool. There was a hammer, and a hammer beating. And even Craig Charles bringing happy endings and closure to rape victims like some kind of Disney wish upon a star delivery man. I wish Craig Charles would barge through my door and save me from my rapist. I smell Baftas lining up for this series.

Award winning rape.

Unfortunately, it's about young people. So I can only give it an official Daily Lyes rating of 1/10.

1/10 See me after the Baftas.

EASTENDERS DISCOVERS PLANET, AND BREAKS NEW GROUND WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WAS THERE.

By Django This
11.10.10 - London, Greater London





Eastenders has broken so much new ground lately, that we're running out of places to stand. But the show's directors haven't run out of ground to break yet. They are invading the final frontier, to bring it back and invade us with it.

In a new storyline that subtley started with Phil Mitchell blowing up the Queen Vic, Walford Street is going to be invaded by aliens.



A member of staff leaked this information recently. I met up with one of the producers recently and they said that it's going to be television dynamite. It's going to blow up people's TV's. With aliens coming in through the roof, televsions blowing up, and the ground breaking beneath us, no one is going to be able to hide from Stacie Slater's enormous face. This looks like an exciting Fall for television. I for one welcome our new bafta winning overlord themed Radio Times magazine covers. The storyline will see Bianca get tragically replaced by the aliens, which will end in the return of Bianca and the introduction of a new charater, alien Bianca.