Sunday, 3 March 2013

New Laws Make Everybody Richer

By Norton Winston

05.02.2012 - London, Greater London

The rich get richer, the poor get poorer: the problem of how to increase one group in societies' wealth without it affecting another's has been baffling government think-tanks for decades. And at no point has it ever been more relevant than now, during the credit crunch. Apart from maybe other economic downturns. But they are irrelevant, because they are in the past. However, looking back to this very past has provided the Currency Minister, Ian Rogerson, a (-0.44, 0.32) on the "Political Compass" therefore making him ideologically a centrist which somewhat fits in with his position as a member of the Liberal Democrats, with the means of achieving this.

In Parliament today, Mr. Rogerson unveiled his new proposed legislation for dealing with currency. He stated to Parliament that "(o)ne pound, a hundred years ago, was worth more than one pound today", acknowledging that this was due to factors such as inflation. His proposal involved legislating on the value of currency to make it worth the same as the same unit of measurement two hundred and fifty years ago. Thus, everybodies' money becomes more valuable.

In a press release delivered by government spokesperson Vanessa Hole, it was stated that "although this will do nothing to bring about more wealth redistribution and equality, everyone will be much richer anyway, so it wouldn't matter so much. A family earning £60,000 a year would be earning more like what is now 6,000,000 a year - a remarkable improvement!" She also added that this should allow Britain to remove its gigantic deficit almost instantaneously, and also meant that we would probably suffer little if we cleaned the slate on all Third-World debt.

Ms. Hole responded to criticisms that this legislation was "completely and utterly ludicrous on every single conceivable level" by suggesting that "no, it isn't". She refuted further complaints that it is impossible to legislate on the intrinsic value of a market-based currency by stating "watch us."

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