Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Cameron: "I'm going to make the world a safer place" Experts Disagree.

By Joseph Hinterton

12.10.10 - Oxford, Oxbridge

  Standing outside the Royal Oxford School of Social Sciences at 9 a.m. sharp, the Prime Minister was not in a mood to be messed with. "I'm going to make the world a safer place" said David Cameron, as he made a speech to the children of the secondary school.

David Cameron's plan was simple; he was to issue an Imperial ban on Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, a man who many have previously cited as being third highest person in Al-Qaeda's command chain.

Cameron's stern stare as he authoritatively gave his speech
But many, such as prominent lawyer and legal expert Simon Clark, were quick to disassemble Cameron's plan. "It's absurd!" said Clark. "There's no legal provision which would allow him [Cameron] to issue an Imperial ban on anyone!". Clark went on to say "He isn't even a Monarch! Let alone the Monarch of an empire which hasn't existed for over 200 years!"

"And more to the point, al-Zarqawi has been dead for over 4 years!" added Clark. "What this man is saying is completely insane!"

When approached for comment, a spokesperson for Mr. Cameron told us that the Prime Minister was "sticking by what he said", before claiming that she will "see who gets the last laugh" over Mr. Clark and his allegations.

Reasons why Cameron's Imperial ban cannot work:
  • No legal provision in UK or Commonwealth law which would allow Cameron to issue an Imperial ban
  • Cameron is not and never has been the Holy Roman Emperor
  • The position of Holy Roman Emperor has been non-existent since 1806
  • Abu Musab al-Zarqawi has already been dead for over 4 years
  • al-Zarqawi was never a UK citizen
  • Nor did he ever, to anyone's knowledge, hold any assets within the United Kingdom

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