Maldives to Annex British Indian Ocean Territory

By Lewis Ouarouarson

11.10.10 - Male, Maldives
  Fitting, isn't it, that a country which was once a British colony, are now going to be the colonizers. The Maldives is their name, and taking over the British Indian Territory is their game.

It all started back in 2008. The future of the Maldives was looking bleak. Tonnes of water was gushing into the Maldives at an alarming rate, with scientists predicting that the majority of inhabited land on the islands, including the capital of Male, would be submerged by December of 2012.

But what, the Maldivians asked, could they do? Some suggested buying land off of India or Sri Lanka and starting anew. For others, a kind of futuristic underwater Atlantean-style settlement would have been preferred, complete with singing crabs (as can be seen in this promotional video commonly mis-cited as being from the Disney film "A Little Mermaid"). Others still preferred the idea of stopping global warming. But for the level-headed among the population, there was only one option.

That's where this man comes in. He is Abdulla Shahid, Speaker of the Majlis. And if you're wondering why that link is broken, it is because it was deleted, in what can only be described in the mind-altering terms of a cover up.

Mr. Shahid's plan was simple; annex the British Indian Ocean Territory. If the United Kingdom resisted, then it's war - and this would be a war the Maldivians could not afford to lose. On the 1st of August 2009, Mr. Shahid organized a televised press conference, whereby he laid out his nations claims. This plan of action, now, was official.

The British were stumped. On the one hand, how could they afford to lose a vital military base, especially to such a small and inferior country? As Giles Royhard, parliamentary candidate for the British National Party in the constituency of Stepton-upon-Themes was quoted as saying,

"This is an outrage. This is British land. This is British interests. This is British people. And it's an outrage that this country I've never even heard of is laying claim to British soil"

When pressed on whether he had heard of the British Indian Ocean Territory beforehand, Mr. Royhard declined to comment.

On the other hand, we had the appeasers of peace; those who wanted to make reparations to the people of the Maldives for once ruling over them. Miles Royhard, parliamentary candidate for the Respect Coalition in the constituency of Stepton-upon-Themes was one such supporter of this line of thought, claiming that not giving in to the Maldivians would be "brutish", "irrational" and "a return to the dark years of imperial-colonial domination and subordination, the likes of which have not been seen since Thatcher tried to irredeemably impose the Poll Tax upon the subjugated hostages who were the citizens of the United Kingdom", or something to that effect.

Eventually, the British government, led by Gordan Brown in a much-played down speech to his wife, children and masonic overlords, decided to concede to the Maldivian wishes, if nothing else than ruffle the feathers of the BNP, and the date was set: the 11th of October 2010, at 4 p.m. GMT. Conveniently the time the whole world stops for a cup of tea. But there was one condition to this metaphorical huddling-in-the-corner-with-their-arms-protecting-their-face: - the Maldivians had to ceremonially invade the islands.

This is what all the fuss is about - Diego Garcia

So, in all but 5 hours, the amphibious landings shall begin, and this historic change of ownership will commence. And who knows where the future will lead?..